he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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