the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
