Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
