Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
