why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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