I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
