Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize