mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
