and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
