cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
