Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
