seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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