i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
