are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
