how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
