You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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