hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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