It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
