I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
