lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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