wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
