My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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