I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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