Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
