I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
