Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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