Quick, to the slutcave!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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