What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize