Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
do nipples grow back?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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