if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
