:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize