I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
