There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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