Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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