I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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