hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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