Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
