I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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