Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize