He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Panties = found
Randomize
