yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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