time to smoke my breakfast
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
MIDGETS
????
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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