i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
