I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
