So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
