He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
