idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize