im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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