In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
