Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
