I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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