So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
