I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
