He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
