Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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