hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
