there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
