I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
