I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
