girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
