Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
