i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize