As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
