just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
