FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
