Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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