Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
