I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
