he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
