It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
