my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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