My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
