Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
