Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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