It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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