Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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