I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
