I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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