i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
