My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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