just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize