Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
