They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
