Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
