I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
