I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
