wanna go halves on a baby?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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