i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
