i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BRING THE BAGELS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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