i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
