at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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