we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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