And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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