Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
