i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
MIDGETS
????
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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