Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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