With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
