filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize