In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
