Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
