you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
