Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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