My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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