I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
