The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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