Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
