I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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