this beer tastes like vomit already
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
